Learn to Smile

Charmer: hello Sweetgal
Sweetgal: hi lover boy

Charmer: info about u please
Sweetgal: 15, female, curvaceous, cleavage, bootyliscious Soweto and you?

Charmer: mmmmmh, I am in love already. I’m 52, male, 6 pack, around Soweto
Sweetgal: Ijoo 52? O madala serious. Same age as my dad.

Charmer: I’m just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
Sweetgal: Do you have a wife?

Charmer: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter she is in her bedroom with her friend doing homework.
Sweetgal: Then why do you like young girls?

Charmer: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy and fresh.
Sweetgal: I am also into older men with blackberries. cash and drive a German machine.

Charmer: I can offer all of that and more.
Sweetgal: I think we should meet because you are in Soweto and I am also in Soweto

Charmer: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my German machine sexy?
Sweetgal: Tomorrow I am going to school it won’t be possible.

Charmer: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
Sweetgal: While still chatting let me continue with my homework I don’t want my dad to know that I am on Mxit, he will be mad at me.

Charmer: Which homework is that maybe I can assist you?
Sweetgal: Is a Life Orientation homework, my friend Thabang is assisting me.

Charmer: Haibo, your friend’s name is Thabang? Exactly where in Soweto are you?
Sweetgal: 25 Platinum Street , Protea and you?

Charmer: Thando is that you?????????
Sweetgal: Papa is that you??????!!!!

There was Zimbabwean girl who got married to a Chinese man, after two months in the new marriage she got pregnant and bore a baby girl who died; the Aunt at the funeral came crying.
I KNEW IT
I KNEW IT
I KNEW IT
I KNEW IT
So close relatives got curious, took the Aunt on the side and in a quest to establish what she knew.
Then she said loudly,
"I KNEW IT"

ALL CHINESE PRODUCTS DON’T LAST!!!!!! (FONG KONG)

A drunk coloured man, walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism.
The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into The water and asks, "Have you seen Jesus?"
The people respond "Yes, I’ve seen Jesus".
When it was the dronkie’s turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him
"Have you seen Jesus?" He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water For a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?"
The dronkie replied "No old man."
Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time And pulled the drunkard’s head out and asked him

"Have you seen Jesus?" The drunk replied,  "Ekse my broe,……….. are you sure he fell into this river?"

Teacher: *Why are you late?*
Johnathan: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Teacher: *That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? *
Johnathan: No. I was standing on it.

1. You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can reuse the
wrapper.
2. You call a person you’ve never met before uncle or aunt.
3. More than 90% of the music CD’s and cassettes in your home are illegal copies
4. Your garage is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday.(a gum boot without a partner and the baby walker – baby’s now 12 and you are 48)
5. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottle from your stays at hotels. (Gocool, Sweet heart, African pride….)
6. You have almost always carry overweight baggage when travelling by plane.
7. If a store has a limit on the quantity of a
product, then each member of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximam quantity possible. (sugar,soap,rice,cooking fat etc etc during old good days)
8. All children have annoying nicknames.
9.. Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over for a visit. ( uncle, wife, sis-in-law, two nephews and a neighbour) have camped at home.
10. You stuff your pockets with, mints and toothpicks at restaurants. ( Murray mints, wrappers, and salt shakers!)
11. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and does not talk to her for 10 years.
12. You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate at night (especially beepers).
13. You never have less than 20 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight.
14. You keep changing your Internet Service Provide because the first month is free.. (I know some people O!…..)
15. Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home.(Yes,staple machine, office pins, punch machine,cellotapes, post-its,etc.)
16. When you are young, your parents buy you clothes and shoes at least two sizes too big so that they would last longer.

Panel: Tell us about yourself, your background, work experience, educational qualifications.

Sipho: Refer to my CV. I don’t have time to repeat things.

Panel: What do you know about this company?

Sipho: Irrelevant for now. Ask me a week after you have appointed me.

Panel: Why are you interested in working for this company?

Sipho: Why did you advertise?

Panel: Why must we employ you & not other candidates?

Sipho: I don’t answer irrelevant questions. Decision is on you.

Panel: What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Sipho: Strengths: I moer bosses, Weaknesses: I always leave early especially Fridays.

Panel: Describe when you had disagreement with your colleague & what you have done

Sipho: My ex-boss & I hit him.

Panel: Why do you want to leave your employer?

Sipho: Same answer as above.

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"*

Dad says, "You are my son, I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential."

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers
and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman’s husband
unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy
is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here." The Man says:
"Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad’s outside, I’ll call him if you don’t buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "R250-00."
A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in
the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?" The Boy
says:"R750-00." The Man says: "Fine, I will buy them." A few days later,
the Father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots, let’s go outside
and have a game." The Boy says: "I can’t, I sold them for R1000." The
Father says: "That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that…
R1000 is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to
church and make you confess your sins."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Priest says: "Don’t start that sh!t again!"
THIS IS MY CHURCH NOT YOUR FATHER’S HOUSE !!!